Christmas Cake Recipe
 
Ingredients:1 cup water
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle vodka
2 cups dried fruit
 
Sample the vodka to check quality.Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Sample the vodka.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
Try another cup....just in case
Turn off the mixerer
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuckin the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off the floor. Test the Vodka.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shi*.
Check the vodka.
Now shift the lemon and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Have some vodka.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall  over.
Dont forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the dog.
Fall into bed
CHERRY MISTMA